When we docked, the Avis agent provided dire and descriptive warnings about driving at dark, almost promising us that by getting in our car at 5:45 p.m. we would have an opportunity to engage in vehicular kangacide. My father had his license revoked by Cris for driving too fast around a turn. I later revoked it for driving on the wrong side of the road.
We visited the Remarkable Rocks.
There are two theories on how these rocks were formed. The first involves magma, xenoliths, seismic activity, and millions of years. Like we haven’t heard that before. The second: in a desperate bid to foster interest in their barren island, the local tourism board hires a team of sculptors, makes them watch David Lynch movies for inspiration, and sets them to work with a couple of shovels. Once they’re finished, they throw the sculptors off the cliff, preserving the secret and allowing the board to issue dire warnings about fatalities on the rocks.
Dinner was simple fare. Cris had pasta. I had fish. Dad ate a kangaroo. This proved to be the only kangaroo I saw on the island.
We paid six dollars to walk around in the Koala Preserve. The parking lot was empty, but we reckoned that the lack of people was a benefit of the “off season,” which is typically how we make ourselves feel better about wearing Goretex jackets on a beach in 40 degree weather. The preserve consisted of several paths wandering among eucalyptus trees that ranged in height from 20 feet to somewhere around 100 feet. We wandered the ground staring at the boughs and twisting ankles on roots and, over time, decided that the one disappointing but important absence in the park was the Koalas. Not a one. We decided that a) this was either a sick aussie joke or b) the Koalas had fled an impending disaster (this was before we were informed that Koalas, as a rule, do not flee. Fight or flight translates to sleep or eat for Koalas). Finally, at the far end of the preserve, we spied a gray ball at the very top of a tree that was either a Koala or a stuffed animal stapled to the tree.
We were basically starving by that point. But, with a total population of around 5,000, Kangaroo Island doesn't have a lot of amenities. We were forced to stop for a falafel at the deliverance cafe.
When we got back, I listened to Men at Work and had a sandwich.
