As long as I can remember, my father has been fascinated with signs. Throughout my childhood (and adulthood), our walks and deep meaningful conversations were frequently and abruptly truncated by a familiar pattern; he would stop, whip out a camera and take a picture of a 'help wanted' sign. To be fair, some of those help wanted signs were pretty unique. One time in the UK, we saw an advert for "Bar seeks waitress. Only the well endowed need apply." Not necessarily what you'd see in the states. But still. I was pretty sure I was saying something important.
In any event, I thought he'd appreciate some of the signs we've been seeing.
Okay, I know this is not so much a sign as a really angry foodstuff. But it left me wondering ... did they do any focus groups on this? You know, compare this psychopath red dino who seems to be saying 'eat me or else' to a happy blue dino saying 'I taste good and I'm smooth going down.'
Come on people. Mind out of the gutter.
This fish is either a) the road's mascot, b) a way to make you pay attention to the fact that there are earthquakes so major that they close the emergency roads, c) one possible cause of a major earthquake (massive falling fish) or d) an advertisement for a nearby sushi restaurant that remains open during natural disasters.
Emergency road closed due to earthquake? Come on down to Bob's Sushi.
So far, the signs have been pretty threatening. Welcome to Tokyo. Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Angry Red Dinosaurs.
I don't know what they have against dogs, because what harm could a little pasturing do?
I would not have considered golf an inherently dangerous activity, unless we are talking about the new hybrid sport, MMA golf. It's true that the crowd went wild when Mickelson made Woods tap out on an arm bar, but that's definitely not something you want to see in this area.
Sometimes, I think they have some extra space on the sign and so throw in a pretty unlikely prohibition. Midnight windsurfing? Maybe it's a thing.
Subway advertisement for feline specialized clothing. I know, I know. Technically lions are Panthera and only distantly related to cats. If you think specialized feline clothing isn't a thing, you haven't been to Japan.
This isn't a photoshopped pic or something I downloaded from the dark web or a wanted poster. No, this is real. Cat cafes. A place where you can go to drink a cup of coffee and be scared shitless when a cat jumps on you out of nowhere.
There was a woman standing by the side of this sign with two cats stuffed into her kimono. You can see her foot at the bottom right. I wanted to take a picture but I thought it might be disrespectful and my eyes started itching. For those allergic to cats, the cat cafe is the equivalent of a CIA black site. Waterboarding? Hah. How about a kitten rub down?!
This box pretty much confirmed every QAnon conspiracy theory I repeated mindlessly when I got sucked into things I read on the internet. Human Shape Snacks! You know Soylent Green is made of people, right?
You've gotta be thinking exactly the same thing I was thinking. What words came before that? Bona fide? Authentic?
And what does it say that the human shape is the same as a can of Coke or a package of cigarettes?
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"Come back soon!"
Sob.
It's like the universe saying we made a mistake. |
