After backing the Laser into the brick wall of our back alley (never really spelled this out for Amy), I decided it might be time to figure out the Australian insurance system. I paid premiums, but for what exactly? What would happen if we were in an accident? If brick walls randomly threw themselves under my car?
So we googled our car insurance company. Which didn't exist. We will call that problem number one.
After further googling and screaming, we discovered that our insurance company had a different name than was billed to our credit card. In America, we call that a shell company. Here, they call it multiple branding. Problem 1(a). We tracked down the number for that company and gave a call.
The chap who answered the phone was friendly but confused by my paranoid question; "What documentation do we need to prove that we are insured?"
"Ah mate. Here in Australia, we just assume you have insurance."
This is a true excerpt.
He continued, "I assume that in the states you need to carry it with you? Can you tell I watch too many American crime shows?"
I wanted to say "No. No you don't. If you did watch American crime shows (or reality television), you would immediately assume that we are either a) insurance fraudsters setting up the grift, or b) serial killers."
My wife then wrested the phone from my hands and asked what would happen if our kids distracted her and she drove the car into a tree. Writers call this foreshadowing. American insurance carriers call this grounds for denial of coverage. My wife calls this friendly banter.
The Australian appeared completely unfazed. "Right. Well, your regy would cover that." I wanted to shout "MY NAME IS NOT REGGIE AND I WOULD NOT COVER THAT" until I realized that he was referring to the car registration. It's a little known fact, but Australian car registration INCLUDES collision. So you are covered if you are married to a woman with an inexplicable hatred of pine trees. Which, apparently, I am.
