This is an artist’s rendering of a supermassive black hole at the center of a galaxy, courtesy of NASA.
This is a picture of a supermassive meconium, courtesy of Lily.
Meconium is what physicists refer to as “dark matter,” which is essentially a mixture of tar, glue, and the gelatinous goo that Steve McQueen battled in The Blob. Physicists have hypothesized that up to 25% of the universe is composed of this dark matter and most have concerns about what this might mean for the future of the Universe. I share those concerns. The white area on the edge of the meconium is what I call the Event Horizon, beyond which no light can escape. If you venture past this point and get meconium on your finger you have a choice; you can amputate or call it a birthmark because it is never coming off. Babies produce this substance with surprising and, frankly, frightening rapidity. If we could somehow synthesize this renewable energy source, I think we would go a long way towards reducing our dependence on foreign oil.
My first encounter with meconium occurred at the hospital. Advance press was accurate. It was a mess. Lily was being examined by the pediatrician on call and he checked her diaper. Observing a sizeable amount of meconium, he threw the diaper away and began to wipe the “affected area.” Almost immediately, Lily began to produce. What she produced can best be described as a steady, pulsing stream of smooth blackness. Basically, soft serve meconium. Dairy Joy will never be the same. The pediatrician waited, changed a diaper and as he was about to put on a new diaper, Lily gave a productive wince and he got served. After two more iterations of this, he successfully changed her diaper. He walked away muttering something about not getting paid enough for this. I walked in the other direction muttering the same thing.
In closing, I should note that this photograph was not easy to come by. I was hunched over Lily’s diaper in the corner of the room with my camera (trying to get the light just right) when a nurse entered and gave me this quizzical look. Upon seeing the diaper, her expression immediately changed to the kind of look you give someone when you catch them propositioning an undercover cop in a public toilet. Pity, disgust, and wonderment. I cleared my throat and said “I just needed a picture for my blog.” I’m pretty sure that made it worse.
